Pat me on the back
Mood:  celebratory
I FINALLY just finished the huge project I have been working on since February. I am so dang proud of myself. I wasn't sure I would get it done today, but I was given a deadline, and I was determined to get it done by today like I was asked to. Ah, it feels so good to sit back, look at my *clean* desk with no papers all over the place and take a big deep breath!

Now, tomorrow I have another project to start... filing. I usually like the filing, but not when it hasn't been done in over a month. Which means it will be a lot. Ever since I started here almost a year ago I have always done the filing once a week. Even doing it once a week it gets pretty backed up, but I liked it that way so it would keep me occupied for a day. Now, as I look at the huge pile of papers waiting to be filed away I know I have at least the rest of this week looking pretty busy. Which won't be too bad I guess. My week will go by faster at least.

I just wanted you all to celebrate with me on completing my project. So when your done patting me on the back can you give me foot massage too??

Manic Monday
Mood:  not sure
When I last posted it was after midnight so it showed that I posted on Sunday which I technically did but it was right before I went to bed. So when I woke up on Sunday I just hung out at the house with my mom till I had to leave to catch the train home. I watched "The Notebook", that was a very sweet movie. It was very good. We left my moms house at about 2:30 and my train was to leave at 3. We would have gotten there on time but my mom tried to take a short cut and ended up going too far so we had to back track. I was very close to missing my train. I arrived at the station at 2:59 and luckily there was a guy driving by on a tram thing or I would not have made it. I barely made it with the guy giving me a ride. He had to keep pounding on the doors cause they were closing till finally another guy popped his head out of the train and I told him I needed to get on. So luckily I made it on ok. It was a nice train ride back. I love taking the train, it is so relaxing.

B picked me up at the station and from there my day went to crap. I didn't hear the end of it from B about how wrong it was that I left after he had "surgery" and I should have rescheduled. He kept telling me how much of a bad weekend he had and how the baby was defiant all weekend and didn't listen to him at all. I just let him vent and I didn't let it get to me too much. I felt bad that he was in pain all weekend, but also this weekend was planned from 2 weeks ago and my mom had already gotten the tickets for me. I guess he thought I would feel sympathy for him and tell him on Friday that I decided not to go. He even told me that everyone he talked to thought it was so wrong that I left him with the baby after he had that done to his finger. It kind of got to me, but he decided to go to the ER when he did. I didn't know that was going to happen. Anyway, so it was a rough night. All night I heard him complaining about anything and everything he can find to complain about. I did feel bad (and I still do) but it is over and done with. I went already so why argue about it now when I can't change it.

On other news, I just got a call from B. He had gone to the ER again today to get his finger checked up on and they said he really needs to see a hand specialist. It is not healing the way it needs to and is still infected. The only problem with that is the hand specialist wants $500-$700 up front (no billing offered) or they won't help him. The doctor told him today if he doesn't see a hand specialist his finger will need to get taken off completely. So either he needs to come up with that money or let his finger just "rot off" as B said it. So please pray for him that it works out okay and he won't need to get his finger removed.

Other than having a rough night with B, I had a good night with the baby. I missed her so much. She is so cute when she wants to be. My mom had gotten her some really cute shoes (for Easter and another pair just because) and when I got home she was sitting next to me as I was unpacking and I showed them to her and she said in the most sweetest little voice "thank you momma". I told her to thank Nana and she grabbed my phone and pretended to call Nana to thank her. She told me "I am going to call Nana, ok?" and after I said ok she held the phone to her ear and said "thank you Nana for the shoes. I love you. See you soon". It was so sweet. She was so thrilled about her little shoes that she wore them the rest of the night and had a fit when I needed to take them off to give her a bath. I just can't believe how big she is getting and how much she is growing. I don't want to grow up, I love her this way and I want her to stay this way forever. Is there a pill I can give her so she can stay this way forever??

Back at work today. I am still not done with the stuff I have been working on last week. I was hoping to have it done by Friday but I didn't. I need to finish by today though. The office manager told me on Friday that this is taking up way too much time to do and that I need to do the filing. I have not done the filing in awhile so I am sure it is really backed up. She basically told me to finish it by today and work on the filing starting tomorrow (Tuesday). If I am not done with what I am doing by today then it will have to wait till I get the filing done I guess. So I am sure I will have another few busy days ahead of me.

I guess that is all I have to report. I hope everyone has a great day!

Good weekend so far
Mood:  happy
When I got off of work at 12:30 on Friday I hung around the office for a little bit and had lunch with my co-workers. It was nice. Then B picked me up around 1 and took me to the train station. It was a nice train ride. Very relaxing. I was actually worried about riding it that day cause it was supposed to rain but it wasn't bad. I noticed it was raining, but it was very hard to tell with the speed the train was going. It was actually pretty cool cause we would come up to a dark cloud and pass right through it. It was very interesting. I got to the station here in San Diego around 3 and waited outside for my mom. I got a call on my cell from her and it turned out she went to the wrong station to pick me up. There is two different stations here in San Diego and I guess she wanted me to go to the other one but I thought she wanted me to go to the one I was at. Anyway, when she finally got to me we went to this nail place she always goes to and got our nails done. I got a design on my nails and it looks really cool. I really like them. She even did the design by hand but it looks airbrushed. After we got our nails done my mom took me to some meeting she had to go to. Then we came back to her house and hung out. We watched a movie she rented ("The Forgotten"), it was pretty good. I kind of think it didn't make much sense but it was a good movie still. Then we all just went to bed.

Today was a pretty good day too. We went to some mall so my mom could return something and I got some candles. They are actually pretty cool. They are not tea candles, but not votive either. They are in between and they are perfect for the hanging candle holders I have. Then we came back to the house to rest for a bit and around 6 we went to a different mall to see a movie. We went to Robinsons May and I got some jeans for $8.50 and two shirts for $4.50 a piece. They were having a good sale like they always do when I go there. I am stoked on the jeans I got for the price I got them for. Then we got something to eat and them we saw "Hitch" with Will Smith. That was such a cute movie. I have always liked Will Smith and I have always liked the movies he has been in. Watching those type of comedy movies makes me want to be an actress cause I know it would be a blast to work with people like that and you know they would be a crack up back stage.

So that is all I have done so far this weekend. It has been pretty fun and very relaxing. I found out from B today he didn't get that job he interviewed at last week. But he did tell me he was going to take a job with his friend starting Monday. It is a lot less than he would like but I am sure me telling him all the time it is better than nothing might have helped his decision. Plus, he is tired of being home and not working. I felt bad leaving him with the baby after what happened with his finger, and he said he is not feeling too hot with his finger all messed up, but he also said he is glad I am having fun. So I guess that is all. I will report about the rest of my weekend on Monday when I go back to work.

Short day
Mood:  happy
Today is going to be a short day for me. I am only work half day (till 12:30) cause I am taking the train to San Diego to go visit with my mom for the weekend. I am still working on that stuff from yesterday and I was hoping to be done with it today but I doubt it. There is still a lot to be done.

Yesterday was a very lazy day. After B picked up me and the baby we just went to the house and hung out there all night. So nothing too exciting has been going on. I played on the computer all night while B watched tv and then we just went to bed.

So I guess that is all for now. I will try to update this weekend from my moms house, if not then I will just post on Monday like I always do. Have a great weekend everyone!

Too busy to even think
Mood:  chatty
I was given this really big project by an attorney here at the beginning of February. He told me he would like it done by the end of February (the 28th) and I did have it done. Of course, when I was done he told me that now he wanted it in date order. So I am still working on it. It's killing me. I can't wait to be done with it. I don't mind having work to do, but this is too much. He was trying to tell me that he also wanted them indexed and when I told the office manager she said "no way, he is smoking something." So that was nice to hear that I am not the only one who thinks he is crazy for all this work. I wouldn't mind it if he gave me something and stuck to what he wanted me to do instead of when I am done adding more to do with it. That is what gets me the most. Oh well, it does make my day go by faster.

Yesterday was just another day for me. B had to go the the ER cause he messed up his finger pretty bad. It started to get red and puffy by his cuticle about a month ago. He didn't think it was bad, and tried to fix it himself instead of going to the doctor. Basically it got worse and worse till he finally decided to go to the ER. They had to take his nail off. The doctor told him if he would have come in when it started 3 weeks ago then he would still have a nail and they would have only given him antibiotics. I felt so bad for him though. He said he was in a lot of pain, and it was probably the worst pain he has ever felt in his life. I was going to ask him if it was worse then having a kid, but how would he know. He would probably say something like "I am sure it was". So now we are going to have a bill from th ER in about a month. I am not sure how I feel about that. I know he needed to get it fixed, but I also know we don't have the money for it.

After I got off work yesterday I just hung out at the house with the baby all night. I am playing the Sims (computer game) and that thing is so addicting. I started to play it the other night and before I knew it, it was midnight and way past my bedtime. It is a fun game, but very addicting. So I was playing that last night and watched American Idol. I was very disappointed on who got booted last night. Especially that guy with the braids (I think he is a teacher). I thought he was really good. In a sense though, it is going to be a tough one cause I think all the guys are good, and most of the girls are good. I thought the first girl that got booted wasn't that good, but the second girl (Aloha I think), I was disappointed that she got booted. I thought she was good too. Oh well though, that is what happens when you watch shows like that.

One good thing that happened to me today, I got my Girl Scout cookies I ordered like a month or so ago. I only ordered one cause B told me he ordered a bunch from his work, then he got laid off. I will probably order one more box (there is extras thankfully). My only disappointment in them is it seems like every they get more expensive and smaller in size. I ordered Do-si-dos and they are no bigger than a quarter. They were $4 too. I remember when I sold them, they were like $3 a box. Oh, the memories. I loved Girl Scouts. Especially when I sold cookies. I was usually the top seller but not because I went door to door (even though I did do that) but it was because my lovely parents would take it to their jobs and sell most of them. That is the best way to do it. I was in it from first grade till my freshman year in high school. I only dropped out cause the troop I was in was very dramatic and I didn't like it. I wanted to find another troop, but never did. I wish I had though. I always fun with the things I did with them (camping, horse back riding, arts and crafts). I will definitely be putting my daughter in it once she is old enough.

Well, I guess that is all to report for now. Have a great day everyone!

Just don't ask
Mood:  irritated
I am so frustrated right now over everything. B not working, us not having money cause of B not working, me being stressed out because we have no money due to the fact that B is not working. See the pattern here? We have no food in our house and I don't even know when we can get some. My cell phone is about to get shut off cause I thought paying for electricity was more important. I had called Sprint not too long ago and asked them what would happen if I did not pay my bill. He said since I have a spending limit of $250 I should be ok and to just pay it when I can. I got a call today from a lady from Sprint and found out not only will going over my spending limit get my cell shut off but letting the invoice get past due (which it was technically past due as of February 21st). I told her I can give her $50 towards it and she said they needed $77 to keep my account active. A whole $27 difference. I told her I would need to talk to my husband and see what I could do. I did talk to B and told him to call them and see what he can accomplish with them. But hey, on the bright side, at least I have electricity!

B is irritating the heck out of me. When B first told me about going to the mountains I did not want to go at first. Not because I am a witch, but because I was afraid we would spend too much money and then be broke. If you know B, then you know that when he has no money, he is an ass. I even told him I would only go if he didn't act like an ass once our money was pretty much gone. He said we would be ok and blah blah blah. Now B is realizing that our money is depleting and fast. He is starting to act like a jerk cause we have no money and I told him this was exactly what I DID NOT want to happen. He then went off on me saying he NEEDED to go to the mountains to have some "him time" since he would be stuck with the baby the next weekend while I went to visit my mom. Why does it have to be even like that? If I go out one night without the baby, then he has to have the same. It has to be "fair". What he does not count is the hour here, or the two hours there where he will go to visit with his friend. But no, that doesn't count cause it is "not the same". I think if he were to add it all up it would probably equal to a whole weeks paid vacation from work. But see, I don't play that game where it has to be even. I don't mind hanging out with my baby, and seeing her smile, and hearing that cute little laugh she does and to hear what new word she will have to say. I am sure B loves that stuff too, but he doesn't see it that way. He sees it as getting no sleep (cause HE decides on going to bed at 2 in the morning, not me) and not being able to do anything cause he will have the baby all weekend. I told him at least he has a car to take her places.

Do you see why this is so frustrating to me? I can only take so much whining before I too start to whine (as I am doing to you, my faithful reader!). Ok, ok, I am sorry for all the ranting but I really needed to vent. I cannot wait till this weekend to get away. I really need a vacation!!

Cross your fingers
Mood:  not sure
I wish they had a mood for anxious, cause I am really anxious for B to get a job. I am really starting to stress out now worrying about money and no matter how many times I try to tell myself to let it go and not worry about it, I can't help but worry. I know it is all in God's hands and I keep trying to tell myself that but it is so hard when things keep coming up that makes me worry more. B did have an interview yesterday that he said went pretty good. They told him they would let him know by the end of the week. Then he got a call from the same company later that afternoon asking him to come in for another interview today. They were flying in the CEO from Arizona to meet B. So that looks good, right? So he met up with them again today and again they told him they will let him know by the end of the week. The only bad thing about his interview yesterday is they told him he was the first one. Being the first person is never good. Usually the last person makes the most impression on an employer. So I am hoping and praying (and crossing my fingers so tightly my hand hurts) that he gets this job. If not this job, then I am hoping he gets one soon.

Yesterday was a good day. After work we went home for a little bit and then we picked up A (my older brothers friend who went snowboarding with B) and she hung out at the house with us. She brought some movies, "Napoleon Dynamite" and "Clerks". I watched "Napoleon Dynamite" first. It was good in some parts. I heard from a lot of people how funny that movie was and it was in some parts. It was kind of weird though. Then I started to watch "Clerks" but it got really late and I couldn't finish it. I was actually up till about 1am and I wasn't even tired. I actually forced myself to go to bed cause I knew I would be hating life in the morning.

I have been an emotional roller coaster the past 2 days. Sometimes I feel alright and then sometimes I just feel like crying. B has been really getting to me to where I feel he says very hurtful things to me. I try to tell him but he doesn't see it that way. B is a very blunt person, but sometimes he is too blunt and he doesn't realize him being so blunt hurts my feelings sometimes. Like I said, I try to tell him but he doesn't see how it hurts or he doesn't see it the same way I do. I am just getting really tired of the way he is. I also get weird vibes from him, and he has been acting very different towards me. He did tell me he does get annoyed with me, but he doesn't let it get to him. He just feels that way and then gets over it. I don't know what is wrong, but I am sure a lot of it has to do with him not working and me being stressed on money. I am actually getting away for the weekend (going to San Diego to visit my mom) so maybe that might help. I am actually looking forward to it cause I think I just need to get away for a little bit and have some "me time" so that should be cool.

Well, I guess that is all. Have a great day everyone!

I'm in pain!
Mood:  don't ask
I will explain my title as soon as I post about my weekend so you know why I am in pain.

Friday afternoon B picked me up to take me out to lunch and he decided that he would like to go snowboarding the next day since I was planning on visiting my mom for a few days the following weekend. He was planning on going to Mammoth (which is about 7 or 8 hours from here) and was talking about finding some friends to go with him. Since it was such short notice he couldn't find anyone that didn't already have plans for the weekend. We were talking and I told him I wouldn't mind going with the baby (which he thought I would mind). So we then decided we would all go together. I really didn't want to go all the way to Mammoth since it was such a long drive and he was pretty insistent on going up there. Towards the end of the day I finally convinced him to go to Big Bear. Seems like everyone else and their moms were also going to Big Bear that same weekend and there was absolutely no hotels available anywhere near the mountain. B looked everywhere and called everyone till we both thought we wouldn't be going anywhere. He thought of looking at Mountain High (which is closer) and it turned out they had more snow than Big Bear did. So we decided to head out there instead. They were also booked solid on rooms so we got a room in Hesperia which is about 30 miles away. We took a friend of my older brothers (we will call her "A") and headed out at about 12ish. As we were going out there A said her grandparents lived in Ontario and instead of staying in a hotel we should stay with them for the night. She called them and they were ok with us staying there and it turned out they were closer to the mountain than going to Hesperia. We just thought we would stay in the Hotel Saturday night instead. We got to her grandparents house around 1am and went to bed.

Saturday morning we woke up and headed towards the mountain. We were running a little late which we found out later it didn't matter anyway. When we got about half way to the mountain we were at a dead stop in traffic. B called the mountain to see what was going on and they told B they were packed, there was no parking and they were sold out of tickets till about 2pm. So when we finally got up to the mountain we got the rental for B and was able to get some breakfast before we headed up the the lodge. There was no parking, and people were parking down the mountain. We were about to go park at the bottom where there was some parking (which was about 2 miles from the lifts) when a guy told us we could take his spot cause he was leaving cause his son got hurt. Luckily he was only parked about a quarter of a mile down the mountain. So we all got out and started to walk up the mountain (baby and all) when a CHP Officer stopped us and asked if we wanted a lift. A was limping from her boots and he noticed it so he gave us a ride up the mountain. It was good he did though cause there was no way I would have made it all the way up. They started to snowboard at about 2pm and me and the baby just hung out in the (very warm) lodge. It was kind of boring at times, but it wasn't too bad. The baby was very good. She kept herself occupied most of the time and didn't try running off to where I had to chase her around. She loved the snow (it was her first time actually seeing in snow) and loved throwing snowballs at me and B. B and A came in the lodge a periodically to check on us and relax for a minute. They finally got done a little after 6 and then we got a ride on the shuttle to where the highway started so we could start to walk down the mountain to our car. We met some people on the bus and they made a deal with us that whoever got to their car first would give the other people a ride to the their car. Here is where my title comes in. I was holding the baby, walking down the mountain and my foot went half way into a little dip (it was pitch black by the way) and I twisted my right foot. As I was trying to correct myself, I over-corrected myself and twisted my left food and fell on my left side. I don't have any bruising as far as I can see but my whole left side is sore. Luckily the way I fell, it was like I put the baby down standing up so she didn't get hurt at all. She cried a little bit after I fell but I think she was more scared than anything. I was more worried about her and I think that is why I kept trying to correct myself so I wouldn't fall holding her. So I am in a little pain but not too bad. Anyway, so after I fell we started to walk down a little bit more and the people we met on the bus was able to get a ride to her car. After she got her car she came back to get B and the baby and take him to our car so he can come back up and get me and A. So it all worked out that we didn't have to walk all the way down. I am thankful we met those people, cause after I fell I didn't know how much longer I could walk. Plus, A was in pain cause on her last run she fell pretty bad on her snowboard and had a huge scrape on the her side. Plus her boots were hurting her too. Anyway, like I said earlier we were going to stay in the hotel in Hesperia Saturday night but realized it was pointless since Mountain High was only an hour and a half from where we live. So we just canceled the room and decided to go home. We got home at about 10 and then we all went to bed.

Sunday (yesterday) was a lazy day for me. I actually started to feel sick on Saturday and it hit me hard yesterday. I had a fever by the end of the night. I was home all day yesterday just resting cause I didn't want to be sick and miss work. So it was a lazy day for me yesterday. I also didn't think I hurt myself too bad but I think it was cause I didn't do anything or go anywhere. This morning though, as soon I started down the stairs to the go to the car, I felt the pain on my left side. It is ok though. I am not in too much pain or I would not be here at work.

So that was all that I did this weekend. It was a pretty good weekend. B and A said they had a blast snowboarding and A couldn't thank us enough for taking her with us. I am glad they had fun. Well, that is all I have to report for now. I hope everyone has a great day!

Nothing Exciting
Mood:  rushed
I was so swamped yesterday at work that I didn't even have time to stop and write an entry. It's ok though cause nothing exciting has happened anyway. I am pretty busy today, but not as bad as I was yesterday.

Like I just said nothing exciting has been happening. I have just been hanging out at home and watching tv with the baby. We finally got our taxes back today so B is pretty stoked. He most likely won't be going to TN like he had planned but he might go somewhere this weekend by himself. He was talking about going snowboarding. I told him I was ok with that since I will going to visit my mom next weekend for a few days. I still don't know yet what he is going to do but I will wait and see what happens I guess.

We got in a little argument cause B still wants to spend all our taxes on something for himself and I am trying to convince him not to. I just want him to understand that he is not working and we need that money to survive on till I get paid on the 15th. He wanted to get his windows tinted AND get an alarm on the car. I told him he didn't need all that. He said he did need it and I told him "no you don't need it. What happens when we run out of food, can you eat it??". He didn't say much after that. I told him I don't mind one thing, but not both. That is just too much. I just wish he would understand where I am coming from and not just think I am trying to control him and tell him how to spend the money. If he was working I wouldn't care. This money was supposed to go towards me getting a car but obviously us surviving right now is more important than me getting a car.

Well, I guess that is all. My work is having happy hour tonight and we are going to BJ's Restaurant for dinner. I want to go, but I am not sure if I am cause I don't have a ride out there. I guess I will wait and see what happens.

Have a great day everyone and an even better weekend!

Listening to God
Mood:  special
As I was sitting at home last night stressing on everything about our money and B finding a job I had the sudden urge to pray to God and give him all my problems and all my stress. A the very moment I felt a sudden sense of relaxation and then I heard a voice in my head say "everything is going to be ok". When I was younger my mom used to always tell me that God would talk to her. I would call her with my problems and she would tell me to give it all to God and not to worry about it. In a sense I wanted to believe her that he would take of everything, but I also had my doubts. I guess I would also get impatient. I would want immediate results so I knew that he heard my prayers. Until last night I never thought God would ever talk to me since I am so impatient and since I always had my doubts. After hearing that little voice in my head I had to question myself. Was that just me telling myself it was going to be ok since that is what I want to hear, or was it really God? I can tell you this, I truly believe it was God. Not only did I get a weird feeling when I heard it, but I also knew in my heart it wasn't just me. I had to think about it at first, but then I knew it was him, and that everything was truly going to be ok. Now as far as when (there goes me being impatient again), I have no clue. I just have to keep it in God's hands and he will take of it when he feels the time is right!

Besides all that last night I just hung out at home. What really stressed me out the most was B was still planning on going to TN and he was trying to figure out a way. He was looking online for tickets and found out they are pretty expensive. Not only does he have to buy a ticket for himself, but for the baby as well since she is too big to sit on his lap. When we moved out to TN we flew out there. The baby was small enough to just sit on our laps so we didn't have to buy her a ticket. They only let you do that till they are 2, then you have to give them their own seat. He could lie and say she is not two yet, but what if they check her birth certificate? B even tried calling his grandmother out there to see if she could help out and buy the babies ticket but she said no. This went on pretty much all night with B stressing out cause he wanted to go and not sure if he could. Then I asked him if he was going to use the rest of our taxes to go to TN (cause he "will not go to TN without spending money") and he said probably. So that is what stressed me out the most. I get paid on Monday, but it is already gone to pay rent. We kind of need that extra money from the taxes so we have money till I get paid on the 15th of March. So you can see why I was stressing out. That was when I prayed. I really needed to hear those words cause I was getting really irritated with B, and wondering what I was doing working this out with him and wondering why I put up with the way he is being so stubborn and the way he thinks about things. I was basically ready to say "do this on your own cause I can't take it anymore". Of course, that is not what I really want. I love him so much and it hurts for me to feel that way. I had a really bad dream last night that I he kissed another girl in front of me. I confronted him on it and he then admitted that he has been cheating on me for quite some time with many different women. I woke up in tears till I realized it was a dream. I know once B starts to work again everything will be ok (no matter how much he makes) cause it will be better than him bringing in 0 and me taking care of everything. I just got to remember it is all in God's hands now, and that everything is going to be ok!