Please don't hate me...
Mood:  happy
I have decided to no longer use tripod and I have moved my blog over to tblog instead. I actually love using tripod here and I really hate doing this since I have used this one for so long (I already have over 200 entries!) but I cannot seem to add counters or a tracking thing to my tripod (which I have wanted for awhile now) without having to pay which I am able to do for free with tblog.

So if you would still like to read my drama, please come visit me at tblog here and be sure to leave a comment so I know you stopped by.

Have a great day everyone!

Woo Hoo!
Mood:  energetic
When I was in high school my family and I would always have family night one night a week. We would go out to dinner or usually see a movie. Back then movies were about $7 but we still thought that was a little too much to see a movie so we always went to this place in Seal Beach that had $2 movies. It was the type of movies that weren't in regular theaters anymore, but they weren't released on VHS or DVD yet. It was really cool. It was a nice theater and even their snacks were no more than $2. You could see a movie, get a large drink, a large popcorn and maybe even some candy and still spend less than $10 a person. Even after my mom and dad got divorced I still went to that theater. When me and B started dating we would go there and watch a movie and not spend an arm and a leg. When me and B moved to Bakersfield in 2001 the price of going to see a regular movie went up to about $8 a person. I really missed the "cheap show" (as my family and I would call it) and was dying to see a movie. I love watching movies in a movie theater, it is just so much better. When we finally moved back from Bakersfield at the end of 2001 I was informed of the bad news by my father that our favorite cheap show place had shut down. They tore it down completely. I was so bummed cause I really liked that place. Even before I had the baby, B and I rarely went to see a movie due to the increasing price to go and see one. I can tell you the last movie I saw in a theater was last weekend with my mom when I was down in San Diego and we saw Hitch. Before that, the last movie I saw was Passion of the Christ last April (again with my mom). Before that was when 8 Mile came out and I couldn't even tell you when that was. So as you can tell I never go to the movies. I really don't see the point in paying $10 a person (not including snacks) to see a movie that you can rent for $5 and see it more than once. The whole point of all this is my called me the other day and asked me if I would like to go see a movie with her this weekend when she came down. She is coming to get the babies picture taken in her Easter dress. So I told her sure and she was going to go Costco where she can get tickets for $7. I was browsing online today and I found a movie theater about 20 miles from my house that is only $1 before 6pm and $1.50 after 6pm. I am stoked about that. I called my mom and told her not to go to Costco that I found another one our "favorite cheap show" kind of places. Now, obviously I have never been to this one so I don't know if it is my favorite yet, but we will see how nice it is compared to my other favorite one and maybe this will just become my next favorite. Nothing will ever compare to the Super Saver Seven Cinemas (yes, that was the name of the $2 theater).

Speaking of movies, has anyone ever seen the Passion of the Christ? Awesome movie! I cried so hard in that movie. I think everyone in the theater cried. There was even a story of a man who saw that movie and was compelled to confess to the police of a crime he had committed (I think he killed someone), that is how compelling that movie is. I am sure most of you know I am not very strong in my religion as I would like to be but I was raised in a Christian household and I was baptized in the fourth grade. I cannot say I am a strong in my beliefs cause I have not been to church as much as I would have liked to but I am a Christian and I am happy that Jesus had died for my sins. The reason for me saying all this is Easter is coming up, and if you don't already know the reason for Easter, it has to do with Jesus being crucified on the cross for our sins, and rising on the third day (Easter). I don't know where the bunny comes in all of that but maybe he gave Jesus some candy to celebrate his rising again. Either way the real reason is Jesus dying for our sins so that we can be forgiven. My mom had started her own blog some time ago (she said it had to do with reading mine and it inspired her to do the same) and she has an entry that I would like to share with a link to read. Please read it if you get a chance. It is very compelling to read. I won't disclose the name of her blog, or add her to my links till I can get her permission, but I will post her entry and the link as well. Enjoy!

Before Mel Gibson came out with his movie of Christ, some one else by the name of Mark Eastman, M.D., came out with a story that he wrote called The Agony of Love. Medical Aspects of The Crucifixion. He wasn't saved when he did his research, but being a doctor of medical medicine, he wanted to find out himself what all Christ had endured when he died on the cross and what he had found during his research, made him a Born Again Believer! So it is with this introduction I give you the Story of The Agony of Love. It's a long read, but well worth the time.

Read the story here.

Have a great day everyone!

Beautiful Day
Mood:  a-ok
What a beautiful day today is! It is so nice outside and the weather is great. I was just outside for my break and it was so nice. It is not hot, but not cold either. Just perfect for Southern California weather. This is the way it should be more often.

I had an ok night last night. Me and B got into yet another argument last night. Last night was a big one though and we both said some very hurtful things to each other. Then my mom called me which I am glad she did cause our argument pretty much ended after that. It is always the same thing with us. We go around in circles arguing about one thing, and then something else gets brought up so we argue about that. Then we go back to the first thing we were arguing about it goes on and on. I am sure you get the point. Most of the time we argue over nothing, but other times it is a big thing to me or him and it just gets worse and worse. I was so upset with him last night and with everything he was saying I was very close to telling him I couldn't do it anymore and we should end it while we were ahead but as I was thinking about saying it I started to cry cause I realized that is not what I want. I obviously want to be with him or we wouldn't be where we are now. We would both be doing our own things if things would've went through before with us separating. I think we really need to sit down and talk and try to figure out how we can solve everything before it gets worse and we are going through the same thing we were going through a few months back. I really don't want to go through all that again.

Other than that last night was ok for me. B was supposed to go back to work after he picked up me and the baby but his tooth was bothering him so he didn't go back. We went to get a few groceries after we picked up the baby and then went home. When we did get home we realized we were completely broke again (I know, I had just gotten paid too) and we were both bothered by it. That was what started our big argument last night until it got bigger and led to other things. We knew other things needed to be paid but we also thought after those things would be paid we would still have some money left to get us by till he got some money next week. It didn't work out that way so we went home after grocery shopping with less than 10 dollars to our name. The good news about all of that is B went to court this morning to pay his fine so he doesn't go to jail. He didn't pay last month cause that was when he got laid off and we didn't have it. So he was supposed to pay for 2 months today but thought he would try only paying one month and see what would happen from there. He didn't even see the judge, but I guess the clerk took his money, showed the judge what he paid and the judge excused B to go. He told the clerk that he showed B has been paying good (either on time or before its due) for the past 6 months now so he let this one go. So now that he only paid half we have some extra money so I am feeling better about that situation.

I know, you probably don't want to hear about my money problems and I sorry to be such a pest and continue to bother you with my financial issues but this is my blog. I need to vent somehow so this is my way of venting and getting it out of my system. So other than all that nothing else is going on. I am finally done with all the work I have been doing for that one attorney. I finished the indexing this morning so I am pretty happy about that. Turns out that attorney will be leaving soon anyway. So I did all that for nothing. Well, I did it for the next attorney that takes that file so I guess it won't be for nothing. He even told me the next person who takes that file will be happy with what I did cause it looks a lot better. A lot more organized now. So now I am not as busy as I was last week but it nice to take a breather and relax and not worry about anything till I get more work to do.

Have a great day everyone and if live in Southern California enjoy this weather while it lasts! It is so gorgeous outside it is unbelievable!

Payday is a Good Day
Mood:  happy
I am so happy to have gotten paid today. Most of it is gone already but it is nice to finally have a little bit of money. I am actually very thankful to God because B has been driving on empty for the past 2 days and he was certain he was going to run out before he could get me and take me to cash my check and then get gas. I prayed this morning while he was taking the baby in her school that God would watch over us and that there would be enough to make it to the gas station after I cashed my check. Sure enough we barely made it. We both think the car would have died very shortly. So I am thankful to God for watching over us. I am also thankful to my mom. She gave me a calling card a long time ago to use to call her when we had a house phone since she was long distance and I didn't have long distance on my phone. As B was taking me to work he was telling me how worried he was that if the car died on the freeway or on his way to get me that he had no way of calling me. Our cells have been shut off for a week now and we didn't even have .50 cents to our name so he could use a pay phone. I remembered about the calling card in my wallet and I gave it to him. Good thing it didn't come to that point and he didn't have to use it but I am still thankful that I had that card just to be safe. So with my paycheck we are going to turn our phones back on (YEA!) and he needs to pay court so he doesn't go back to jail. We are also going to get some food in our house (YEA!) and we need to pay the car payment. Like I said, it is pretty much all gone but it is still nice to know we can get some things taken care of that need to be taken care of.

Last night was another boring night for me. I just hung out at the house and watched tv. The baby was so good last night and we didn't have one problem with her. She was listening to us and obeying us every time we asked her to do something. She even went to bed with no problems and no crying. She did wake up at 4 this morning and came in our bed and tried to go back to sleep but couldn't. I woke up at 5 this morning to her saying "look momma, stickers!" that she pulled out of her pocket (I imagine she got them from her school) and then proceeded to put them all over my face. So I am extremely tired this morning because of all that but oh well. It is worth it to wake up and see that cute little face laughing at me cause I have stickers all over my face.

Things are pretty much the same with me and B. He still gets to me. One of the main things (I know I always say that, but there is a lot of "main things")is the way he is when something is missing. As soon as he finds out something is missing he always puts the blame on someone else. This weekend we had .75 cents missing for our laundry and he automatically blamed my younger brother saying he must have grabbed it. This morning he couldn't find any of his white socks that he swears he had like 12 pairs of but he could find a whole bunch of my older brothers socks (from when he used to live with us). Automatically my older brother must have switched socks so he can have the "better ones" (cause B is better than everyone else, you should know that by now). I told B that he borrowed socks from my older brother a few times when he lived with us but he says he didn't borrow that many. When I was seeing my counselor she told me a big problem in our marriage was I always stuck up for my brothers and never was on B's side, but I think that is a little absurd! I may be sticking up for my brothers but I don't see it in a bad way. I see it as showing B it's not what he always think it is. Just because something is "missing" (in other words, cannot be found at that very moment) he automatically finds a way to say someone else took it. Another example, his hubcap on one of his tires is missing. Just one. He doesn't know what happened but he believes the other car in our complex which is almost identical to ours took it cause that car was missing one as well. Turns out that other car was still missing its one, so he could not have taken it. B still believes that someone took it. Why would someone want one hubcap? I believe it fell off somewhere with the crazy way that he drives sometimes. His answer to that, "no, I don't drive that crazy and besides, I think I would have seen or heard it fall off". It just drives me crazy. So as you can see there is a lot to be fixed with this marriage and I am not sure how much more I can deal with. I do love him, and I do want to be with him, I just wish he wasn't the way he was. Is that so bad to feel that way?

Ok, enough of that. On other news, we are going to be getting another cat. My mom said a kitten followed her home the other day and I told her I wanted it. I hate the cat we have now, so I need one that I could love and call my own and teach this cat to be nice and not ruin other peoples things. Our cat is going to be so mad, but oh well. He will get over it. So my mom is bringing it down to me this weekend. I am pretty excited about that. I guess that is all for now. Have a great day everyone!

Relaxing weekend
Mood:  not sure
This weekend was so relaxing. I did absolutely nothing and was home the whole weekend. I did not leave my house once except to go to my neighbors to get a key for laundry on Saturday. It was nice but it also would have been nice to get out and do something. We would have if we had the money. We are so broke it is not even funny. We have no food in our house and no money to get gas to go anywhere if we wanted to. So I just relaxed at home with the baby and I played Sims on the computer a lot. I am telling you that game is very addicting. Oh, I also cleaned up my house on Saturday but not too much. I just cleaned the kitchen and picked up the living room and vacuumed. I was going to clean the bathroom but I kept forgetting about it and when I did remember I told myself I would wait till the baby was sleeping. Then I would forget about it. I am sure me being addicted to the Sims game doesn't help at all either.

Me and B had a little spat yesterday and he told me our marriage was getting "sour" again. He is right though. We are back to the way we were before and we our having our problems again. I don't know what is going to happen with us. I wish I knew but I am sure it will all be ok with whatever happens. Deep down I am at the point where I don't care anymore and I don't know why I feel this way. Maybe it has to do what we went through before and I am just ok with whatever happens either way. Is it wrong to feel that way? I am not attracted to him anymore and a lot has to do with the way he is. He can be such a mean person and always feels like he needs to say mean things about anyone he sees. I am sure it has to do a lot with me being picked on, so I don't feel it is right to say mean things about other people no matter what. He is an adult and we are not in elementary school no more. I also sometimes feel like he is more my dad than my husband. He is always getting mad at me if I do something wrong instead of understanding that I made a mistake and moving on. I told him all this and he felt bad. He said he doesn't try to be mean to me and he grabbed me and hugged me. I know he doesn't mean to be that way, but he is. And it makes me more and more unattractive to him. Also the way he is when he thinks he is so much better than everyone else and feels if he sees someone is less fortunate than he is he has to make a comment about it and make it known that he has better or he has had better. I don't know if any of this makes sense to you but I am not sure how I can explain it. It is just so hard cause I truly do love him, and I want to be with him, I just wish he was different.

Ok, so enough of me ranting. I guess that is all for now. Have a great day everyone!

Being nosy or striking up a conversation??
Mood:  not sure
I have a scenario for you guys. Let me first explain that the person I am talking about was just engaged but recently broke it off cause she knew that person was not the person she wanted to be with for the rest of her life. Hey, sometimes it happens. Anyway so the other day I overheard this person talking to a friend on the phone asking if a certain guy was single. I just kept going about my business and finished what I was doing and then walked away. Later in the afternoon I saw that same person again and I asked her how things were going with her. She said everything was going good. I then asked her how she liked single life (with a smile and a little giggle) and then as she was about to answer I told her how I overheard her asking her friend if a certain guy was single. She then stopped what she was about to say and snapped at me saying "you sure are nosy" in a mean kind of tone. I laughed and said "well it was kind of hard for me not to hear cause I was standing right there." She didn't say anything but kind of gave me this look so I just walked away.

Now, if this was you, would you think I was being Nosy, or just starting a conversation. See, the next day I felt bad cause my whole intention was not to be nosy but to just start up a conversation. I apologized and told her it was not my intention of being nosy and that sometimes I guess I am even though I don't mean to be. She thanked me for apologizing which made me believe she truly thought I was being a nosy person. So I would like to know what you think, would you think I was being nosy? Cause I think that sometimes people feel that I am that way even though I am not trying to be or I might not even know that I am actually being nosy. Anyway, your thoughts would be appreciated, thanks!

My daughter is too cute
Mood:  happy
Last night, as me and B were getting ready to go to bed, the baby woke up so she decided to come lay in bed with us. I try not to let her do this too much but once in awhile it is nice to lay next to my baby. Even though she squirms a lot during the night and eventually almost pushes me off the bed it is still nice to watch her fall asleep. So anyway, I have this game I like to play with her. I grab B and hug him and say to her "my daddy". She sometimes gets a little upset and says back to me "my daddy" and pushes me off of him. She will usually grab my arms and move them so she can grab him. So last night I was doing that with her and we kept going back and forth with the "my daddy" thing. Then I say to her "I found him first" and she started to repeat what I was saying in a cute toddler voice. If you have a toddler then you know what I mean when I say that cute toddler voice. You can understand what they are saying, but it is not clear like you or me talk. After going back and forth she got all quiet and her eyes started to get heavy so I just laid there and watched her as she started to fall asleep. Then about 5 minutes later she looks at me and smiles and says "I found him first" and turns around to grab B. It was the cutest thing. I started to laugh cause it was funny how she had to get the last word in. Just like her daddy, she always has to get the last word in.

Other than that nothing spectacular happened last night. B worked late again last night so after he picked up me and the baby he went back to work and I hung out at home with the baby. She was very good last night and didn't cause any problems. She went to bed at her normal time with no problems and didn't even cry. After she went to bed I played the Sims on the computer till B got home. When he got home he wasn't feeling too good cause his tooth is starting to bother him so he ended up falling asleep on the couch. I feel so bad for him. First it was his finger which looks like it is finally starting to heal and now it is his tooth. He told me this morning he is going to have to see a dentist (without insurance like he did for his finger) so that is more money we are going to have to worry about when the time comes. Anyway, I played on the computer some more till it was time for me to go to bed. I am telling you, that game is so addicting. B thinks I am too addicted to that game and got upset when I woke him up to go to bed cause he found out I was playing it the whole time since he got home. I understand why he was upset, but I don't understand why it mattered since he was sleeping anyway. Oh well, he was a grumpy butt when he woke up and sometimes you just have to let them vent and get it all out of their system and just be their ears I guess.

So that is all I have done. Have a great day everyone and an even better weekend!

Just another day
Mood:  happy
I actually had a pretty good night last night. B picked me and the baby up on his lunch and then he went back to work. Me and the baby had a great time playing together. I love her laugh. It always makes my day to hear that cute little laugh she has. We just hung out and watched Shrek 2 (would there be anything else to watch?). Then she got pretty bad towards her bedtime and was hitting me and scratching me because she was not getting her way so I put her to bed for being bad. It was maybe 20 minutes before her actual bedtime. She was not happy about it but I knew she was tired cause as soon as I laid her down she cried for maybe 2 minutes and then it got real quiet. I checked on her to make sure she was in bed and not playing and she was passed out. So after I put her to bed I just watched tv and hung out with B when he got home.

Nothing too exciting but thats ok. Me and B got along pretty well too, no arguments or anything till this morning. I got a little upset with him this morning cause I put an outfit on the baby that was pink pants and a yellow sweater that had pink flowers on it. I know it matched but he swore up and down it did not match. He kept saying that yellow and pink do not go together even though there were pink flowers on it. So he decided to find another shirt for her to wear and I got upset. I told him then why doesn't he get her ready in the morning then instead of me cause I seem to do that a lot in his eyes. Not match what the baby is wearing. He said it was not a big deal but I told him from now on he might as well get her ready since I don't know how to match and he seems to think he can do better at it than me. I know it was a little harsh, but I get tired of getting the baby ready EVERY MORNING for him to find something wrong. Her shoes don't match, her shirt doesn't match her pants or whatever. Then he can just get her ready and it solves everything! I know it won't ever happen though. Oh well!

Anyway, so that is all that is happening with me. Have a great day everyone!

Jury Duty
Mood:  a-ok
I got a Jury Summons in the mail yesterday. That is the first time I have ever gotten one. Well, as far as I know anyway. I have moved so many times and the last address that the DMV has had before I got my permit was the address when I lived in Bakersfield in 2001. So if I have gotten one before, I didn't receive it. I was pretty shocked when B got the mail and showed it to me. The lead attorney in our office just got one a few weeks back and I told him how I have never gotten one (as I knocked on wood). That never works and I always seem to jinx myself in some way or another. My work doesn't pay for it either, but I am allowed to use sick or vacation time if I need to. Luckily this is just a call in. I have to call them on the 15th of April and the automated thing will let me know if I need to come in or not. I remember one of my co-workers at my other job got one just like it. She got all worried and even tried to get a note from our work asking for her to be excused which didn't get approved. She called in the day she was supposed to call in and they didn't even need her. So I am hoping the same happens for me cause I really don't want to do it. I can say I am prejudice against all people, but I am so quiet I will probably just keep my mouth shut. Knowing my luck I will get picked for some big murder case or something and have to do it for a long time.

Other than that nothing exciting has been going on. I just went home last night and hung out at the house the whole night. It was nice. B started working yesterday with his friend doing mortgage. He said it was ok, but they were pretty dead yesterday. He is going to work late hours two days a week and the other three days work during the morning. Today is his late hour day, so he is working till about 8 or 9 tonight. I am not too sure how long this one will stick, but at least he will be getting money for a little bit till he finds something better. I don't know if you remember but this is also the one that he wasn't too sure about going to because the pay is low. I think he finally realized that it is better than $0 right now. We are so tight on money right now and we will be for awhile till he gets a first paycheck. I just have to keep praying that things will start to look up for us.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention something. After I posted my entry yesterday I was told by the office manager to go ahead to finish the project from that attorney (the indexing and stuff) but not to start on it till all my filing is done. I was pretty bummed when she told me that cause I was hoping to not have to do it at all. The lead workers comp. attorney here came to me and asked me what he was asking me to do, what case it was on and what I had done so far for him. I was told later the reason why he asked me is he is going to ask this guy if what I am doing is necessary or if it is some dead end project. So I am still working on the filing today which should be done by today and then back to the other thing I was doing which I am NOT looking forward to doing. Oh well, life is so rough ain't it?

Have a great day everyone!

Can you believe him??
Mood:  irritated
You are not going to believe what happened to me this morning. After I finished my "project" yesterday, the attorney that had me start it was not in the office. He was in court all afternoon so I wasn't going to be able to ask him where he wanted me to put all the stuff. So this morning I come into work and I go into his office to ask where he would like me to put it all. He asked if I was finished putting it in date order and I told him I was. Then he said, "ok, this is what I would like you to do next. Put them all in folders and index them. Each one of them should say the date, what kind of report it is and the doctors name." I told him there was some bills in there as well and he said he wants me to separate all the bills from the actual medical reports. Are you kidding me? I told him I would have to ask the office manager ("A") cause she wanted me to start working on the filing. I told her what he had said and she said no way. She told me she would talk to him, that I needed to start working on the filing cause it was getting really bad. I just can't believe he wants more done to it after all I have done. Once you tell someone to do something, you don't add more to it when they are done. Tell them all at once. So basically I am going start to my filing (which is really bad, I have a pile on my desk that is about a foot high) and hopefully I won't have to do what he wants me to do at all. If I do have to do it then he is going to have to wait for awhile till I can get my filing done. I am hoping I won't have to do it cause it is more of a hassle then anything. I am definitely not looking forward to it.

Anyway, after B picked me up from work yesterday we hung out at the house for a little bit. Then we got some dinner and then we got some groceries. Nothing too exciting. The rest of the night I just hung out at home playing "Sims" on the computer. That game is so addicting. I was playing till midnight when I looked at the clock and realized it was way past my bedtime. My brother thought it was funny cause I was always teased when I was younger about how I can't cook and I "burn water" (it can actually happen, trust me). So as I was playing th Sims, every time I made food on the stove, my stove would catch on fire. I swear it happened about 5 times within 10 minutes of me playing. I even had my husband in the game die (he burned to death) from the very first fire that happened from me cooking. So my brother thought it was humorous that I cannot cook in real life, or in fantasy. It is pretty funny when you think about it. I guess I am not made to be a cook.

So I guess that is all for now. Have a great day everyone!